April 2011
24 posts
1 tag
All I’ve really done this past week is curl up in bed and watch movies. Toy Story 3. Despicable Me. Tangled. Salt. Bella. The Graduate. Occasionally I go to the gym or I nap or do homework. Or sit in the shower for an hour. I get sad and then I get really angry. I want to push everyone out of my life sometimes. Sever all of my relationships, but I don’t because I know it’s just a...
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When I’m really sad, I take long showers.
Or start organizing things or untangle old necklaces or clean.
Even though it’s futile because everything ends up messy anyway.
I curl up in bed and do nothing.
Waste away.
I smell like Germany.
Or at least the way I smell brings backs memories of Germany, last summer, days spent with Anne or Lea.
It’s a sad moment when I am too...
5 tags
why i've never liked being photographed,
It’s funny looking back on my school pictures from elementary school or middle school, even high school. School pictures, pictures from field trips, pictures with friends. I’m never smiling like most people do, teeth showing and the eyes bright. My lips are taught, slightly lifted at the corners, eyes dull. Most people laugh when they see them, even I do: this little girl with hair cut...
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the girl in science class.
attentive, she sits with a finger
posed at her lips. pondering
the letters gracing the board,
cursive wallpaper for her empty
mind. watch her pencil soar from
line to line in time with the
spoken words. like a sponge she
carries everything heard.
but does she ever learn?
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I keep wanting to write something down to document how I feel right now. I’ve started a new text post at least five times, and I have deleted every beginning. So little to say, so much to feel. I can’t put my emotions or my sadness into words. My thoughts or my fears or my concerns. It’s one obscure city far back in my head, and I don’t know where to go.
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“There is a loneliness in this world so great that you can see it in the slow...”
– Charles Bukowski (via fuckyeahbukowski)
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This is something that doesn’t necessarily anger me or make me want to throw bricks. Just something that kind of irritates me. Maybe a few bricks could be thrown, but for now I’ll just state my opinion.
Sometimes I see posts about fitness, such as a video with a female trainer or a picture of a person working out, and people will say, “Why should I listen to them to become fit?...
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i’ve always seen emotions as being messy, thoughts as straightforward. emotions are abstract states of being, a mesh of a thousand tiny different feelings combined to make one solidified mass of ambiguous trouble. a hollow ache in the heart that can’t quite be named. on the contrary, thoughts and the brain are generally in the same category as logic and order. words that appear in the...
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beardsandcollarbones:
Here In Your Arms...
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sometimes i wish there was a part of me that didn’t need “to be worked on” or needed “fixing”. i feel like such a messed up person. irrational, sad, panicky, distant. i want to be functional. i want people to see that i’m functional. i want to be a person that is stable and doesn’t constantly need help.
i don’t know. maybe i already am more normal...
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we woke up in a tent in your backyard. sunrise light, the canvas beneath us, beneath the canvas the grass, fresh summer air. warmth hugging us like best friends after a graduation ceremony. holding onto each other despite the finality. the final absence. we woke up besides each other, buried in our separate sleeping bags. you looked at me and smiled. laughter, rolling around in the pajamas i...
