December 2011
32 posts
1 tag
"so this is the new year, and i don't feel any...
I don’t really have any new year’s resolutions. I’ve come to the conclusion that I will undergo change whether or not I make a list. I don’t think I can fully control or predict who I become, and I have never been able to. I pick up new hobbies, listen to different bands, strengthen and weaken aspects of my personality, meet new people, and it’s not because I resolved...
Dec 31st
7 notes
2 tags
midsummer's night
in the lamp light i watched the smoke climb from the puckered mouth of a candle, white fishlines and the grey haze dancing higher and away from the blue dripping wax, glass jar with dead flame.  they twirled like blonde girl ringlets or baby blue ribbons, and disappeared into the dark- ness of an empty room.
Dec 26th
2 tags
christmas eve
there are christmas lights, but no snow. we share hiccups and cold hands, but we are separated by  many things. tonight we call ourselves family  like children calling dust snow.
Dec 25th
“And so you go out with girl, and you’re driving. “So what are you reading right...”
– Henry Rollins (via cityyandcolour)
Dec 23rd
3,207 notes
Dec 22nd
5 notes
2 tags
i am a barren wasteland of a girl. overflowing heaps of trash and shit that are picked up by wind, thrown back down to tangle with barb wire fences and the sign that says no trespassing, no fickle girls allowed, and the pretty suburban house behind it yawns with its open door, waiting. you laid down your bricks in the wrong place.
Dec 22nd
8 notes
2 tags
she is a silent machine gun and
i am the jacket she tosses on and forgets to button, a thrift store gem, hand me down cotton from a girl who kissed boys and cigarettes but is now too old for liveliness. i am each wrinkle swimming up to the surface to catch the light, i am turquoise blue like chipped girl finger- nails, i am the broken zipper, i am the pockets she shoves hands into to keep warm. i am an oversized...
Dec 20th
7 notes
Dec 20th
4,189 notes
Dec 19th
25,697 notes
1 tag
target off cliff road
Today in the parking lot I watched a woman shove her shopping cart away from her instead of bringing it to where it belonged. It flew past parking spaces, sometimes curving left or right, its wheels wobbling, until it ran into a red SUV. The woman watched for a moment, leaning against her own car. Her face was perfectly blank. She slid into the driver’s seat and drove away. It’s...
Dec 19th
1 tag
1:19 am
i can feel a fever in my hands. i don’t take care of myself anymore, i stay inside and yes i skipped dinner the third time this week, i’m sorry. it’s not on purpose. i just forget or tell myself that i don’t need it, and the hunger always goes away and i’m alright. skinny. i can feel skinniness all over my fucking body. i can feel it everywhere, as i slip between...
Dec 18th
7 notes
1 tag
Dec 18th
8 notes
Dec 17th
355 notes
Dec 15th
1,878 notes
3 tags
Listenblood bank - bon iver
Dec 14th
13 notes
Dec 13th
26,861 notes
Dec 13th
3,248 notes
1 tag
Dec 13th
362 notes
pergjithmone: I wish to weep but sorrow is stupid. I wish to believe but belief is a graveyard. - Charles Bukowski
Dec 13th
23 notes
2 tags
I came home and sat in the car and sang along to Radiohead, it was just me, alone, and outside it was cold and quiet, it was nighttime, i don’t really feel quite right said something inside my mind, so i stayed inside my car and sang along to Radiohead with the heat all the way up and my hands clenching the steering wheel, i couldn’t even bring myself to cry but i could bring myself to...
Dec 12th
5 notes
1 tag
12.7.11
i haven’t hit my worst when i feel sadness i’ve hit my worst when i can’t feel anything.
Dec 7th
1 tag
Dec 6th
28 notes
Dec 6th
139 notes
Dec 6th
18,728 notes
1 tag
there are some nights when i really need someone next to me to make sure i don’t do something really, really stupid. but i’m really terrible at asking for help and i just stay in my room and stay quiet and i fall apart and no one knows and it’s all my fault.
Dec 6th
1 note
2 tags
fifteen
what’s in fifteen pounds? is it my body or is it something deeper that i let go of staring up at the ceiling bottles on the floor lights off fan whirring i let go  and lost  fifteen pounds. what’s in fifteen pounds? is it muscle, is it fat, is it blood or is more than the  loss of the body, did i lose everything that summer, even now, when i lost those five,...
Dec 5th
6 notes
Dec 5th
396 notes
3 tags
construction site in december
imagine seeing a construction site covered in snow you’ve been watching  cranes tear apart roads until they became dirt imagine it covered in snow, orange from the street lamp dim light, overhead moonlight. imagine the underneath (ugliness is always covered by snow, by  snow)
Dec 5th
4 notes
Dec 5th
10 notes
Dec 2nd
44,508 notes
1 tag
Dec 2nd
41,470 notes
2 tags
intervention
on washington avenue  i hear a boy say into his telephone “his drinking is out of his control. it’s an addiction, he doesn’t  drink for fun anymore. he does it because he has to.” i wonder if someone thinks the same of me: addicted to self- loathing, sadness, to pain and to  heartbreak, and even to numbness. maybe somewhere, someone is saying into their...
Dec 1st
2 notes